I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
