We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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