evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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