We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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