I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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