im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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