we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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