Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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