chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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