Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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