I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
