She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
