i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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