we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
