All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
