Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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