Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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