Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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