people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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