we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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