wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
