Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize