The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
