Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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