Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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