just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
