i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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