he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
