4 words: hood of his car
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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