ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
