I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
