you guys were way drunker than both of me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
