you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
