her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
