I'm gonna have a badass scar
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
