oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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