Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
