Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
pray to the hookup gods
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize