so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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