I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
