wat bout pragnant strippers??
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
