I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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