Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
