wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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