I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
