The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
