So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
