I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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