her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
