Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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