Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
