I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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