This is not my ceiling
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
