My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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