how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
