im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
