dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i barfeds in our rink
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
