Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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