Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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