bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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