3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
