i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
