First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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