is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
