You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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