Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
