My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
