Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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