i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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