I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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