coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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