you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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