jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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