I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
