If i come over, it means nothing
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
