I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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