He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
True but thats because hes a fetus.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
