if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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