I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
