Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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