The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
